I Love You.

I love you.

Three words that can change a heart, a story, a mind.

The world being what it is, I wanted to take a moment to breathe into the words “I LOVE YOU,” and share how they shifted my personal narrative from “proving” to “becoming”.

Believing for so long that LOVE, if real, would be hard-earned, tough, and built through effort. That if I worked hard enough, or achieved more, or had all the answers, that I would be ready to schedule it and receive it (and we know how sexy a list can be).

And then “love” entered the picture — though it was nothing like I’d imagined or experienced. It was messy, full of inconvenient timing and complications, but it was true and (luckily) I was quiet enough to pay attention. The rollout wasn’t what I’d imagined and I could have written it off — I tried to — but it, LOVE, demanded to be felt.

LOVE was not loud, more like a whisper that rushed in — flowing like water, carving unfathomable paths — and in ways like nothing else had experienced before. I let it wash over me — it gave me no other choice.

I now know that LOVE IS not performative, it’s not righteous, it’s not ego-filled, or tough.

LOVE IS the softness that comes from allowing yourself to be seen, witnessed, and held by another spirit.

For me, LOVE came in like a lamb and transformed me into a lion — the vulnerability and beauty of it gifting me with a roar that made me feel fearless. It unlocked a superpower within me, allowing me to see LOVE wherever I go — to mine its electricity and shine it into the dark and scary places — like now. Not blindly, but courageously. I LOVE fiercely and with hope.

LOVE: unconditional, unadulterated, pure, true. It can channel a force and encourage it to do extraordinary things. With LOVE, we are alive and we are limitless. The price is vulnerability — the sacrifice of deflection, self-deprecation, and the readiness to cast others (and self) in positions of “unworthiness”. We are all worthy of loving and being loved, without attachment to a result.

I’m learning:

photography by Kathy DeNinno

LOVE IS holding space for the things you can’t carry.

LOVE IS bearing witness to transformation without trying to fix, control, or be praised.

LOVE IS a an exchange, an unconditional energy share.

LOVE IS expansive, growing with you — not “for” you, not “at” you.

LOVE, real LOVE, IS everywhere.

For me, LOVE looked nothing like that fantasy I had been fed — and I’m grateful everyday for that.

The thing I realize is: Like aging, the act of LOVING is not for the faint of heart.

You must be willing to open yourself up to being seen, to being LOVEd, in the ways you deserve. It takes courage to receive LOVE, knowing that eventually ashes become ashes and dust becomes dust. Are you curious enough to LOVE regardless of what the world (or capitalism, or card companies) says it’s “supposed” to look like?

I hope so — because what gift it is! What a privilege! What a blessing! What a ride!

And if not, that’s ok too — know that I have more than enough to spare. I LOVE YOU everyday, dammit. Even if I don’t know exactly who you are, I LOVE YOU — and I carry you with me wherever I go.

xo — Cloie ❤️

_____

Happy anniversary to my teammate, my lover, my Button — thank you for holding the “mirror up to nature*” — I love you more everyday. Together we stand, and together all things are possible.
Happy birthday, Judy. We couldn’t have done it without you.

*Hamlet. Act 3, Scene 2, lines 21-24

“C” is for “Celebrate” ♒️ Happy Birthday, Aquarius!!

“When the moon is in the seventh house…”

We all know (or at least every former hippie and musical theatre nerd knows) the opening phrase to the famous Fifth Dimension song, Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In. 

“…this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius…”

If you don’t know the song, you should. Matter fact: click HERE to experience it. 

No really. We’ll wait. It’s worth it * cue Jeopardy theme*

There’s something about that song that sparks the desire, the NEED to celebrate. We start in story, painting this cosmic picture that you don’t necessarily understand (unless you do), but don’t need to. It’s not about that. And, just when you think you’re on some ‘60s psychedelic mushroom trip, BAM. You’re bursting into water bearer season with the sun (of the music) surging forward. 

What I love about that song is that it feels like musical champagne — sexy, effervescent, bringer of party times. I “go to church” every time I hear it played — it takes me there.  

Although I am, admittedly, biased by the fact that I AM an Aquarius (Feb. 11), the music is still the music — the feeling is still the feeling. The song captures it all beautifully. It’s also timely, as we’ve (literally) exited the 2,000ish year period of Pisces: times of blind faith, believing all that we’re told to, regardless of what common law (and/or truth) dictate. The AGE of Aquarius, this new 2,000 year span of time…that’s a long f*cking time. A time that promises revolution, great humanitarianism, and innovative possibility. So why not have a party and celebrate like the four year olds we once were?

Now, I don’t know when it became “uncool” to celebrate birthdays, or life, or to have joy…or to be joyful or whatever, but clearly a memo was circulated. We’ve gotten rid of joy and have opted, instead, for what? Boredom? Posturing? Feigning emotions unfelt? Counting the moments left on this death march towards eternity? In a world that’s hard enough, in a time that’s actually shifting its consciousness from acceptance to release, why not grab every ounce of spiritual glitter possible? If tomorrow is not promised and you can’t take it with you, if the next enlightenment Uber is another 2,000 years away, why not grab life by the sequins, shake your ass, and eat that birthday cake with her now? 

So, with or without the company of other people, every year I pull out my party hats and crowns and capes and streamers and in order to pay homage to my inner child. She’s earned that right. I don’t put pressure on her about a schedule or seeing people because, for that one cosmically-aligned 24 hours, she gets to run the show however she sees fit. Funny thing is: she never disappoints. A tiny tot who can turn a party — who knew? 

Allowing myself the space and permission to CHANNEL my most authentic self — my “candy for breakfast” self. My “tantrums and tutus” self…that’s the best birthday gift I’ve ever known — and what a blessing it is to celebrate it. To celebrate so much that it fills my cup to overflowing. To be overflowing with so much goodness that it’s spilling over and I have enough to share…so I do. 

And, from within that act of sharing, having the ability to ”hold up the mirror to nature,” blast through any looming darkness, and offer this “Care Bear stare” of a chant (courtesy of The Fifth Dimension) :

Let the sun shine.

Let the sun shine in…

…the sun shine in. 

Happy Birthday, Aquarius. We bring the dawn. 

xo - Cloie ❤️

———

Wanna celebrate my birthday with me? Here’s three (3) ways to participate:

  1. Watch the latest episode of my vlogcast HeyCloie.com

  2. Buy me a drink!

  3. Donate to Los Angeles wildfire relief efforts

You overachiever -- did you do all three? WERK! Email us proof at team@heycloie.com for a special treat!! 🥳🎂🎉🥳🎂🎉

Thanks for hanging with me. I truly appreciate you. 

Source: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KcaewILIZRU